A Long Answer to a Short Question
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QUESTION 1: My daughter Emma, who is 10 years old, would like to know if your family follows a daily schedule/routine. Why or why not?

Mrs. Chancey's Response (from a couple of e-mails written to moms who said they were drowning!):

Tips for Making It Through the Day without Going Insane:
(Note: This first e-mail was written to a mother with three small children and talks mainly about keeping a routine with lots of little ones.)

1. Your next day starts the night before -- before you go to bed. Whatever you do, do not neglect this important preparation for the next day, because it will help you so much. You can do these things after the kids are in bed. After a while, it will just become a routine you can do without even having to think about it:

A. Set out what the children will wear tomorrow (do this before they are asleep, of course!).

B. Get the breakfast things ready (set out plates, bowls, spoons, cereal, etc.). When they are older, they will be able to fix their own breakfasts. I now pre-slice the bread for John Nathan, and he makes himself and the other boys their toast in the morning.

C. Talk with your husband and read the Bible together. This is the one time of the day when you can really do this without interruption. I'm not talking about trying to have an hour-long study time every night -- even if it is just reading the Psalms and Proverb of the day and praying together, it is good. Try to have family worship together. You will have to make it happen, not just wish it would happen!

D. Write down your to-do list (vacuum, laundry, dusting, bathrooms, etc. -- whatever it is time to do). I try to break down my week like this: Pretty much every day is laundry day (or we start to get buried!). I start the laundry first thing in the morning and just "feed" the washer and dryer throughout the day. I do not fold the laundry until after the kids are sleeping -- I just dump it on our bed all day. Fridays are the "big" housecleaning days when the kids and I vacuum, dust, do bathrooms and mop. We do NOT do these chores any other day, or they just turn into time-eaters. Obviously, if somone knocks a plant over, you will vacuum up the dirt, but don't worry over an accumulation of unnoticeable dirt the rest of the week. Every day the children and I focus on picking up one thing before we do another. They aren't perfect at this (neither am I), but if stuff stays picked up, the clean-up time isn't so overwhelming in the evening. On Saturdays I plan the next week's menu, go through the cabinets, write down my grocery list and do all the grocery shopping for the week, taking one or two children with me (if my husband isn't here on a Saturday, I do it at night).

E. Sunday you need to REST. Our church currently meets in our house or a neighbor's house. After church, we eat potluck and sit around and talk. The children sit with us or play in the back yard or color. After everyone goes home, all the Chanceys go to bed! This is our day to recharge.

F. Back to the to-do list: remember that it isn't set in stone! Don't get so obsessive over the list that it ruins your day. If something doesn't get done, move it onto tomorrow's list.

2. At the start of the day:

A. If the children get up early, make them stay in their rooms and play quietly until you are up and about (Felicity is our early riser, and just sits and sings to herself until everyone else is up!).

B. As soon as you are dressed and ready, put on some uplifting, beautiful music. It can be anything you like, as long as it helps make the mood bright and cheerful. I cannot emphasize this one point enough. The job of the mother is to set the mood of the house from the minute she is up and about. The absolute best way I know to do this is to put on wonderful music -- especially music you and the children can sing to! If you put on Psalms, hymns or Scripture songs, you are also feeding your family God's Word and praise all day long.

C. While you and the children are eating together, this is your time to read the Proverb for the day (or another part of scripture) out loud. Everyone is sitting down and busy eating, so they will not have the tendency to wander around or get distracted. If you can only get through five verses because of all the questions your children want to ask, that is okay! It is better to spend 15 minutes explaining five verses in detail than to get frustrated and give up or just try to read really fast. Pick a key verse for the day (something you want to work on -- ours today is "Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes is a fool to the one who sends him" -- we are trying to work on doing a job instantly when asked!). Mark the verse with a post-it note and keep the Bible handy for training times!

3. Once breakfast is over, start each child on something she can do (reading, playing dolls, building with blocks, etc.). If you need to do some things outside, take the children with you. Set up the play yard in the grass so toddlers don't wander into the street. I spent all morning out gardening with the boys today. Belle sat on a blanket and played with her toys, John Nathan helped me dig, and both the older boys spread mulch. Thomas just walked around being "Davey Crockett!"

4. Once the children are started with something, say, "Mommy's going to do X now" (whatever it is you need to accomplish on your list). If you are going to clean the kitchen or do laundry, have your children who are able help you by washing counters, separating lights from darks, sorting socks, etc. As much as possible, include them in your work routine. If the job is a really big one that they cannot do (mine really can't handle the carpet vacuum well), tell them they can get their toy vacuum (or whatever) and practice doing what you're doing.

5. AT THIS STAGE, NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT IN YOUR ROUTINE THAN TRAINING THE CHILDREN. The dishes in the sink are not important. The laundry isn't important. The vacuuming isn't important. Having the house spic and span by five o'clock is NOT important if the children are being pushed out of the way or ignored to get it done. I'd say 99% of our frustration with our children comes from the fact that we ourselves are selfish and do not want to set aside our own plans for the day to deal with foolishness. But we must obey God first. He says we are to train our children. The hardest part of the training is in these early years. If you train well right now, you will have an easier time of it as the days, weeks and months go by. This means being willing to drop whatever it is we are doing (phone call, chores, gardening -- anything) and deal with the trouble. This doesn't mean making the children stop bothering us. It means getting to the heart of the matter to show the child she is worshiping a false god (herself and her desires) and confessing to the child (when we are mad about leaving our own stuff) that we have the same problem of worshiping false gods. Address this heart issue and discipline according to the Scripture (using the Bible you've left in a handy place -- and make a sheet of Proverbs and other Scriptures that apply to various sin problems like greed, envy, strife, selfishness, anger, resentment, etc.). Lead the child to repentance, then show the child grace and love and explain how God has accepted the child in Christ -- not based upon the child's own works (thank the Lord He doesn't base His acceptance of us upon our own works!).

6. A child (or a mommy) with an empty tank just cannot run properly. If we are not filling our children's tanks with encouragement, loving speech, kind words and Scripture, we cannot expect them to respond to us in love and obedience. Children need to live in an environment so overflowing with love and grace that they begin to reflect it in their own behavior. This is where Mommy and Daddy come in. If Mommy's tank is empty, she has nothing to give to the children. The way to fill the tank is with the Word of God, loving praise from Daddy, hugs, kisses, little notes of encouragement, etc. If Daddy's tank is empty, he has nothing to give Mommy. Daddy needs the Word of God and the exhortation of godly men (like sermons on tape, etc.) to fill him up so he can pour himself out for his wife as Christ poured Himself out for His Bride. He also needs the unconditional love and encouragement of his wife!

7. When a child is disobedient or has an attitude problem, deal with it immediately. Do not wait until your own frustration level has built to the boiling point. This is sin. It is procrastination, so don't be surprised if your own children procrastinate after watching your own example. Be prepared for the fact that you are going to have to deal with toddlers many more times a day than you have to deal with a baby or an older child who has been trained well! "Do not grow wearing in doing well, for in due season you shall reap!"

8. Have a mandatory quiet time every day of the week (two hours minimum). This is when the babies go down for afternoon naps. The older children don't have to nap, but they do need to learn to find something quiet to do (reading, coloring, etc.). This is the time when Mommy needs to rest as well. You might not need a nap, but you can at least put your feet up for a few minutes, read the Bible or another book, or catch up on some things that can't be done with children needing attention (like bill paying or balancing the checkbook).

9. USE THE PLAY YARD. Play yards are not prisons for "bad" children. They are areas of containment where a toddler can play safely without your having to fear that she is falling down or getting into something dangerous. When you are homeschooling an older child, a play yard (not a small play pen, but a larger fenced area) is a huge help. The play yard is not a way to escape your responsibility of training the toddler (you will do that throughout the day); it is just a safe place where the toddler can learn to play alone for a time contentedly. Don't overuse it, but USE it. It is a tool for sanity and safety!

10. If push comes to shove and the day is just unraveling, give everyone a bath! Put on soft, soothing music and pray. If your husband is able to watch the children for 20 minutes, you climb into the tub and relax and pray.

None of this can be done in our own strength or without God's grace. If we are trying to do this by our own strength, we will fail. Pray without ceasing throughout the day for grace, but remember that God doesn't wave magic wands and remove our problems. Part of sanctification is God constantly placing us in situations where we will be forced to rely upon His grace instead of upon ourselves. And grace doesn't just drip from Heaven like rain. It comes through the Word, through fellowship with the saints, through the Lord's supper, through worship, praise and prayer. You do not need to go into a "prayer closet" to worship, praise and pray. Do it on your feet. The more you do it, the more of a habit it will become -- a continual breathing out of prayer to the Lord for strength, patience, kindness and peace.

When you are discouraged, DO NOT call the people who do not think the same way or who feel that children are a curse. Those people are only going to discourage you or give you unsound advice about not having so many children, etc., etc. If you can't find like-minded Christians, read books that are biblical and encouraging in snatches of time as you can!

I hope this helps. I certainly don't claim any level of perfection in doing all of these things -- they are just tools that have helped me keep my days sane and happy!

Love,
Jennie

Second Letter

My mother taught me early on to have mandatory "quiet time" every afternoon for at least two hours--even after the children outgrew their naps. This is the time when I have my big boys read quietly to themselves, color, make clay sculptures, etc. They can do any project as long as it is quiet and doesn't require interrupting Mommy. When I am pregnant, this is usually when I lie down for a short afternoon nap. My little ones are all down, and I get down-time, too. The rest of the time I use to catch up on e-mail, read, return phone calls, or just tackle small projects that I can only do when I have a few moments without interruption. It takes discipline to keep this schedule up, especially when the older ones would rather do something else, but it does work! You just have to encourage your children to enjoy quiet time, and they come to have wonderful attention spans as a result. They are also able to learn to focus for longer periods of time.

As for keeping the house clean, our rule is that whoever makes a mess must clean it up. I started teaching my children to clean up clutter and put away toys and books as soon as they could toddle. Every afternoon before Daddy comes home, we have about 15 minutes of "tornado clean-up," where all the children pick up stray books, toys, socks, anything and put it away. I've also trained my older boys to rinse dishes, load the dishwasher, set and clear the table, wipe counters, clean bathrooms, and sort laundry. By the time a child is old enough to reach the washing machine knobs from a stool, he is old enough to take over! I still measure the detergent for them and pre-treat all the stains, but they move laundry from washer to dryer, then take it out of the dryer (my sons are eight and six right now). Even my little ones can sort socks and put away towels. Never underestimate a child's ability! If you are hassled and harried trying to keep your house clean, it means you are overlooking the helpers right there in your lap! Granted, there is not a whole lot toddlers can do, but you have to teach them when they are young so they find cleaning and helping a natural part of life rather than a chore. Our other family verse is "whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all of your might." In other words, no whining and saying, "But I didn't put that there! Why should I have to pick it up?" If you find something out of place, put it where it belongs. This is a happy, family-centered system that keeps the house clean and everyone comfortable--and, most importantly, shares the workload and spares the mom! ;-)

I've found that the homeschooling mothers who burn out the fastest are the ones trying to have "House Beautiful" and do everything themselves. We don't live in a magazine; we live in a family. Our focus is on glorifying God; not on impressing people with a spotless house. My job is not to raise little geniuses who think they are great and better than others; my job is to equip the Lord's saints for His service so they can use the gifts He has given them to the best of their abilities. This requires a lot of prayer, much patience, and a lot of letting go of foolish cultural expectations. My number one piece of advice is this: Kick the "soccer mom" habit. Do not join every club and every sport activity and live in your van five days a week! That is a recipe for certain insanity and family chaos. Cut it all out and don't worry about what "the Joneses" think. Your children will not become social misfits because they aren't in ballet or T-ball! Invite people over and practice hospitality on a weekly basis, making it a part of the normal routine of the family. Teach your children to welcome others and converse with them politely. Make it your family goal to show the love of Christ to everyone around you, and the Lord will pour out His grace to equip and sustain you. I've found that the unhappiest or most frustrating times in my life have been the times when I was the most selfish with my time or my home. When I pour out to others, I've found God pours on the joy and the peace. It's really miraculous! It's the gospel: Die to live. Give to receive. Lay down your life to get it back again. This is the not-so-secret "weapon" of God's Word!

Time with your spouse is definitely important. Your marriage is the centerpoint of the family. The children are important, but they must never take precedence over your relationship with your husband or your job as his loving helper. The children need to see that Mommy holds Daddy in high esteem and that what Daddy wants to do is important. By the end of the day, everyone should be anticipating Daddy's arrival (even tired Mommy!) and preparing to welcome him with a special greeting, hug, kiss, etc. Our children run into Daddy's arms when he comes in the door, all shouting and happy that he is home. Then Daddy gets 15 minutes of time to unwind, put up his feet, and wait for supper. That gives him a little time to regroup and relax. Then we all have supper together, the children get some playtime or reading time with Daddy, we have family worship, and all children head toward teeth brushing and bed by 8pm. That gives Mommy and Daddy plenty of time to talk to each other, snuggle, ask about the other's day, etc. This time is precious and important! It will sometimes be impossible, but it should be interrupted only rarely. Having a free night once a month is super. We try to go out alone together once or twice a month for an extended date. We've had our children spend the night with family a few times when we had to make a special trip with just the two of us. These times are so special and do build your marriage.

Most of all, let go of your expectations and ask God to fill you with His expectations and desires. He will really "give you the desires of your heart," just as He promises. Don't look at the lists of what the "experts" say you must do with your children. Look to the older, godly parents who have raised godly children, and ask them lots and lots of questions! The grandparents in the church love it when the young people seek them for advice, and you will be blessed by their experiences (negative and positive). God has created a church Body made up of members of diverse ages and backgrounds for a reason! It is to equip His saints. Reading books can only do so much. Reading too many can discourage you utterly. Read Deuteronomy 6 and remember that your goal isn't Harvard or Yale; your goal is God-honoring offspring who serve the Lord with gladness and love His Word. Read the Word daily with your children. Get tapes and sing the Word! Talk about the things of the Lord throughout the day, and use the Word when you have to discipline. God will bring the fruit!

I hope this is helpful!

Love in Christ,
Jennie

QUESTION 2: I have a ten-month-old daughter, and this family thing is becoming a bit more of a reality since I'm also now nine weeks pregnant. Yee-haw! Can you give me any tips on keeping house, meals, baby and also being pregnant with a little one who still can't walk, morning sickness and all-around fatigue? Can you even remember being overwhelmed by something like that? :)

Answer (from another e-mail response):

I do have a few minutes this morning and would love to send you a big hug and an encouraging note. You are in the "Mommy Boot Camp" phase of life. I've been there! It's a time when you just have to buckle up and hold on for the ride! If you are faithful now, you will come out smiling on the other end. I well remember days going by in a blur with me so tired on the other end and wondering if I really did get anything done--particularly when I was pregnant and had toddlers running around. ;-) When my eldest was 14 months old, I was pregnant with my second. I napped whenever my toddler napped, because I needed the sleep to keep up even a little bit of energy! I also faithfully took my B supplements and drank my pregnancy tea to help with fatigue. I only had morning sickness with my first baby, and I discovered later that it was because I didn't eat often enough. I was still eating three big meals a day and tiny snacks (mostly fruit without protein) in between. My midwife told me the second time around to eat six small meals a day and never have a sugary snack (like an apple or orange) without protein at the same time (like cheese or yogurt). That helped me tremendously, and I never had morning sickness again. But I know every pregnancy is different and every woman is different, so you might want to read up on other remedies, like ginger, peppermint, etc. There are some great resources online at THIS LINK and THIS ONE.

My first piece of advice is to teach your 10-month-old to be happy playing alone for short periods of time. I used to get a large blanket and lay it out on the floor in a safe area. I put colorful baby toys on it, baby books, and other "yes" toys my son could have (like stackable pots and pans, tupperware, etc.). I would put John Nathan in the center of the blanket, smile, and tell him to have a good time while I did some cleaning. At first, he would try to follow me off the blanket, but I cheerfully told him this was "blanket time" and that he had to stay on the blanket while I worked. I used a small spatula to just swat the back of his hand if he put it over the edge of the blanket. After the first day, he learned to stay on the blanket and played contentedly for about 30-45 minutes while I worked. I did this only when he was fed and happy--not when he was ready for bed or hungry. I've done this with all of my children (except the twins, who always have someone wanting to entertain them!), and they all can sit happily in one place without any trouble or crying for long periods of time. They learned to entertain themselves and be still. As they grew older, I'd give them about 45 minutes of "room time" where they could play in their own room while I did some "mommy chores."

Secondly, teach your toddler to clean up. At the end of "room time," my children must cheerfully pick up their mess and put it away. This takes about a week of training. We sing a little clean-up song, march around the room, and put each toy where it belongs. Once they get the hang of it, they can clean their play area or room with little supervision. The key is consistency! It is easy to get discouraged with clumsy toddlers and think there is no way they'll ever learn to clean up! But all Chanceys know they are part of a family team, and we all work together to keep our house looking neat (not perfect, mind you!). Mommies are not slaves--they are household managers! Your job is to train your children to be responsible adults--and that starts in toddlerhood. Teach them to help when they are very young, and it will just be a part of life. They will not take things for granted and will gladly help you. My oldest two sons (9 and 7) do all the dishes, load and unload the dishwasher, wipe the counters, and sweep the kitchen after each meal. They also help their 5-year-old brother to keep the boys' room clean. My little girls (almost 4 and 2) help with the dusting every Friday and are responsible to clean their room before supper each day. They also help set the table. All of the children know how to help sort laundry and can put away their own clean clothes. My eldest can also sort laundry for washing and start the machine. My mother did this with my sister, brother, and me when we were growing up. As soon as we could stand on a stool and reach the sink and the washing machine, we were doing "big" chores. That freed mom up to do the gardening (her love) and other things like upholstery, sewing, and lesson prep for homeschooling. She had her little "army" of helpers, and we all pitched in!

My mother even had to spend a month flat on her back when she had surgery. I was 12, and I cooked all the meals and delegated the chores to my brother and sister. My mom later told me she lay in bed one time with tears running down her face as she listened to the three of us chattering in the kitchen or mopping or starting up the laundry. Her home ran smoothly, even when she couldn't be at the helm. All the years of hard work and training on her part had paid off. This is your goal! It's my goal. We have to keep this goal before us at all times: responsible, godly adulthood. It starts when the children are babies and toddlers. It's "Mommy Boot Camp," but it is the job God has given us, and He will faithfully equip us to get it done! I can attest to His grace and faithfulness. Just do not neglect to pray, pray, pray. You don't need to set aside a time for "devotions" -- your whole life can be infused with prayer. My children well know that I often call out to God aloud during the day when I need help/motivation/grace/patience! He is right there. Just talk to him! Barbara Curtis has written a wonderful book called Meet Me in the Laundry Room, Lord, and she talks about this very thing--devotional living. We just talk to our Lord all day, thanking Him even in the stressful times and calling upon Him for help when we feel we can't keep up (and we can't--it's all grace!).

No "Superwoman" myths, thank you. None of us are "super." We just have a super Helper, the Holy Spirit, Who promises to be with us and remind us of God's Word when we need it most (John 14). So, when you get up in the morning, thank God for a new day of sanctification and growth. Thank Him for the souls He has entrusted to your care. Tell Him you know you aren't perfect and often feel at a loss. Then thank Him for keeping you humble and reminding you that it's all about HIM and not about you! What a gift from God! Then ask Him to fill you with the fruits of the Spirit--love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, self-control.... Then start your day with a good meal (even when you don't feel like eating), drink your water, kiss that sweet 10-month-old, and keep things in their proper perspective: the world is not going to come crashing down if the laundry doesn't get done today! When my husband comes in and finds me frazzled, he hugs me close and says, "Whose schedule are you trying to keep today?" It is a good reminder of the fact that God is my boss, and He is not a harsh taskmaster. He is a loving, generous Father Who wants the best for us. Some days, we just have to lay down our "to do" lists and smile at a baby. Some days, we just have to step back and remember that all these temporal things, while important in their own place, are not the be-all and end-all of life. Read the book of Ecclesiastes! I call it the "Mommy Handbook." It is so refreshing to remember with Solomon that, yes, much of life is "vanity" and repetitious. But if we tackle these things with a desire to love and serve Christ, they become beautiful and meaningful. Yes, even the 20th load of laundry this week! ;-) And do cut things out that interfere with the most important things in life. If the computer gets in the way and robs you of time, turn it off. There are whole weeks when I just ignore e-mail and other online activities. I love to read, and I have about five books going right now. But reading is something I can't just sit down and do whenever I want to. It has to fill in the "cracks" of a very busy day or week. One day I'll have plenty of time for reading and will miss all the sticky fingers and baby drool! So books fit in after the important things are done: helping hubby, training children, making our home hospitable.... God will give you the time if you first lay it down on the altar and sacrifice it to Him. Don't try to "steal" time for yourself, because you'll end up frustrated and out of time. All the time belongs to Him, and when we obey Him and seek Him first, He gives us the time we desire for other things. It's true!

God is with you! He loves you and will hold you up. Look to Him. Don't try to "do it all." You can't anyway. Make a list of what you need to do, put stars by the most important things, then just do the next thing that needs to be done. If it doesn't get done, put it on tomorrow's list. Each day, you'll get a little better at getting things done. And some days, "NAP" will be the only thing on your list--and that is just fine.

Oh, and DO seek out encouraging older ladies in your church -- ladies who love their role and delight in it. Can't find them? Seek out elderly ladies in your neighborhood and ask them about the old days and how they accomplished their work. Also see if there are young ladies in your fellowship who can help out a young mother once a week. I've been blessed to have young women come and stay with me when I was so tired during early pregnancy or when I was recovering from childbirth. I know this is a HUGE part of why I have not had difficulties or depression. A supported woman is a blessed woman. It's harder these days to find the support network that our grandmothers took for granted, but it is there.

Well, I've rambled on long enough. I need to hop up and get lunch ready. My children have been drawing pictures at the table next to me, and it's time for clean-up!

Blessings,
Jennie Chancey

Okay! I just wrote a more detailed response to this (from another participant's question) and will post it below. Remember, every family is different, so one family's schedule won't necessarily work for another. Some dads work late and won't be home for an early supper. Some families rise much earlier; some much later. Do what works best for your unique situation!

Question 3: I wanted to know what your daily schedule is like and how do you manage to have time for you and your husband? I just have one 18 month and one on the way and it’s already quite a challenge to manage my day and have time for my husband! Thanks.

Let me try to keep this simple by sticking with the basics:

1. You will go through a phase while your children are young that I lovingly call "Mommy Boot Camp." At this stage, you need to totally let go of expectations of "doing it all" and really focus hard on what is important. You will not have time to just sit around and read. You will not have time to do those fun crafts or pastimes that you used to do as a newlywed (remember all those hours you could scrapbook and bake and decorate?). You will not have time to sit for long moments and contemplate the universe. But here is what you will have time to do:

2. Early training is so vital. Do not grow weary in well-doing at this point, because if you think you have no time now, it will be far worse later! If you can teach your child to control himself, to sit still, to assist with simple tasks (like dusting and picking up toys), and to rest, you will find the time you thought you'd lost!

3. Now, our family's daily routine varies (we have to be flexible for my husband's work and travel), but I can give you kind of a sample schedule to give you an idea of how things work around here (take what's helpful, toss what's not!):

Monday through Thursday:

7:30 a.m. - I am making breakfast and calling the children to rise.
8:00 a.m. - We all eat together, and my husband reads the Bible aloud to us.
8:15 a.m. - My children go to get dressed, make beds, straighten rooms, and brush teeth. (I don't have them dress prior to breakfast, because my girls are really prone to spilling oatmeal and other things down their fronts and on their laps!) While they do their chores, I clean the kitchen.
8:45 or 9ish - We are all at the dining room table to do school. For my girls (ages 2 and 4) this means coloring, cutting paper, writing ABCs, playing with shape blocks to make patterns, etc. For my older boys, it means doing math, handwriting, spelling, and phonics. After the boys finish (and my twins are down for morning naptime), we all sit down for read-aloud time (reading literature, history, and science, with a good dash of picture books for the girls). My oldest two sons also read aloud to us at this time to practice their reading skills. We don't do textbooks full of factoids, we read through real histories, biographies, and literature. You get to form the reading tastes of your children. Make the reading good!
11:45ish - We stop and prepare lunch and eat, and we read aloud from the Bible again. The babies are up at this point and join us for lunch.
12:30 - 1ish - We all work together to clean the kitchen (little ones clear the table, big boys rinse dishes and load washer, I wipe counters.
1:30ish - Girls down for naps (my 4-year-old just rests at this point; boys do quiet projects or play outside; I use the time to pay bills, catch up on e-mail or phone calls, fold laundry, straighten my own room, etc. The twins usually go down for an afternoon nap at 3:30 or so, and that's when I take a little catnap if I need it.
4:30ish - Prepare supper. My girls love to be with me, handing me spoons and dumping ingredients into pans.
6:00pm - Supper on table; everyone eats together. My husband usually reads aloud from a history or biography particularly geared toward children (he has collected many published in the 19th century). This is our "big" meal of the day and the one when we work hardest on teaching manners. Boys seat the girls; one boy is chosen to seat Mama. If a child wants to say something, he raises his hand and waits to be acknowledged (some days this works better than others--sometimes a child is so eager to say something that he just can't hold back! ;-) In general, we want the children to learn not to interrupt and to let each person have a time to share.
7:00pm - Kitchen is cleaned (all help according to their ability), and children get pjs on and brush teeth. As soon as everyone is ready, Daddy sits and talks with the children, reads to them, or plays games with them (like Memory, Connect 4, chess, checkers, etc.). I inspect bedrooms to make children have cleared away clutter prior to bedtime.
7:45pm - Family worship. We sing a few Psalms, then pray together. Mama and Daddy tuck in the children and pray with each one.
Lights out at 8:00pm (Usually more like 8:30pm for boys who like to stay up for one last game of chess or to read one more story!)

Friday - Big Housecleaning Day! We try to keep things generally straight throughout the week, but this is the day we vacuum and mop the entire house, scrub the bathrooms, pull everything off the kitchen counter and scrub, dust, wipe the windows and mirrors, etc. This usually takes us 1.5 to 2 hours. My sons do a "deep clean" of their room, which means pulling all lost toys out from under beds and arranging shoes in pairs in the closet. My daughters still need a bit of help to do this, so I do it with them. My eldest son vacuums the bedrooms while the girls dust (I dust the tallest things). I do the mopping while the older boys straighten the dining room and school cabinet. After lunch, we have a "movie day," which means the children can choose a couple of favorite videos or DVDs (we have the Moody Science videos, the AIG creation videos, old Roy Rogers movies from Vision Forum, Davey Crockett, some classic films like "The Little Princess" and a few clean modern movies, but we stick to these and are very careful about introducing new things until after we've previewed them). Friday night is pizza night (frozen or homemade, depending on how the day goes!). Bedtime is at the usual hour.

Saturday - This is my big grocery shopping day. I'm trying now to go every other week, but it has been once a week. I plan the weekly menu and do inventory of the pantry, fridge, and freezer. Then I write down what I need and plan my route (usually I need to run errands to the post office, bank, and a couple of stores). I go in the morning or afternoon while my husband works on projects around the house and plays with the children. I try to get everything finished in two or three hours (it's a 20-minute drive to the grocery shopping area). Before I leave, I start supper in the slow cooker. We have a "Sabbath Feast" every Saturday night, and it's almost always roast with red potatoes and onions (8 hours in the slow cooker makes them melt in the mouth!). Just before 6pm, I cook fresh green beans or peas or asparagus and a sweet potato casserole (dh's favorite!). Sticking with a "routine" meal may sound boring, but it makes this day so easy to manage. We also try to invite another family over on Saturday, and this meal goes a long way when you are feeding company! [Oh, and a word about laundry while I am thinking about it: I used to do laundry on Mondays and Thursdays, but with seven children, it is now done six days a week. I just keep feeding the machine all day, starting at breakfast. The children help me sort the colors into piles and also help with folding.]

Sunday - Church currently meets at our house or a neighbor's house. We set up folding chairs and put out hymn books. Everyone is fed and dressed by 9:45. After church, everyone gathers for the weekly potluck meal and fellowship. We usually sit and talk for at least a couple of hours while the children play in the back yard together. Older children in the congregation watch over the younger and help them with their meals. This is such a blessed day of the week! After everyone leaves, we all lie down and sleep until 5pm or so. Then we cook our weekly "breakfast supper" (usually having a couple of families over to join us). Bedtime is as usual.

4. At the end of the day, my husband and I have another two hours to unwind, talk, plan, and just be together. We have this time because we have spent nine years training our children to live in a household that isn't random or chaotic. I don't know how we would survive if we did not have a basic framework! These "fencelines," if you will, are going to give your children security and confidence. They know what to expect. They know how the rules will be enforced. They also know they have great freedom to learn, play, and grow within these boundaries. Children without boundaries are confused and miserable. The world thinks having no boundaries is freedom, but it is actually extremely frightening and therefore enslaving. "A child left to himself brings shame to his mother," says Proverbs 29:15. This is totally true! That child doesn't know how to rule over his own spirit, control himself, or behave in varied situations and circumstances with confidence.

Dear sister, there are going to be days when you wonder if your children will always be in diapers. I have been there! I have three in diapers right now! But I also have older children who are my right and left hands! They are a great blessing to me because I (imperfect, sinning mother that I am) invested so much time in training, training, training. And when I lose focus and slack off on training, boy, does it show! All of a sudden, we are running around like chickens with their heads off! Chaos abounds. Children whine. Mama feels exasperated. That's when God gently reminds you that you cannot just quit training and let things go. You have to stay on top of it. And the Lord is so good. You can repent and regain ground. Some days "school" just goes out the window so we can address some training issues! That is perfectly fine. If we only reach our children's heads and never touch their hearts with God's truth, then we will bring up very intelligent pagans who cannot control themselves. God forbid!

I hope something here is helpful! Hug that husband of yours and tell him you love him. I didn't really address spending time with dh, but it is SO essential that your marriage comes before your children. It will give your children greater stability to see that their parents love each other and care for each other. And I am here to testify that the more your pour yourself out for your husband, the more tender and caring he will be. Don't put him on the back burner for the sake of the children. Put him on the front and make a real effort to praise him, thank him for providing for you, and honor him for his role. I think you'll be stunned at the results. God's ways work!

Blessings,
Jennie Chancey

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